Using The 5 Love Languages for Valentine’s Day: 15 Gift Ideas that Will Speak to Your Partner’s Heart
Written by Kristi Yeh, LMFT
The 5 Love Languages were developed by Gary Chapman. The 5 Love Languages include: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts. The different love languages represent how you like to receive love, which can often differ from how your partner wants to receive love. By taking the Love Languages quiz with your partner, you can learn to effectively express your love by understanding their top love languages.
The wonderful thing about the Love Languages is that there is no wrong answer! This goal is to help people better understand themselves and their partner. Once partners learn the love languages, they are less likely to miss the attempts of their significant other to show their appreciation. When you learn to speak one another’s love languages, it boosts connection and overall relationship satisfaction. You can also take this quiz with your children, and to get to know yourself better if you are not currently in a relationship.
Here’s to making Valentine’s Day special for you and your partner, especially after surviving pandemic parenting for the last two years.
Words of Affirmation
This love language is all about those specific acknowledgements of what you appreciate about your partner. Think of things that you respect, adore, and cherish about your partner--and be sure to share them with your honey.
3 Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Partners that Love Words of Affirmation:
Thoughtful Card. This one is important! Pick up a special card, and think of something thoughtful to write. Sentence prompts might include, “One thing I love about you is…,” or, “One special memory from this year is…,” or, “Our family is so lucky to have you because…” If you struggle to express your emotions through writing, try looking for a poem that captures how you feel about your partner and perhaps write it out by hand.
Appreciation Post on Social. Find a couple cute pictures of your partner or you two as a couple, and post a note of appreciation on their preferred social media.
Dry Erase Board of Appreciation. Buy a small dry erase board to write words of affirmation for your partner regularly. Put it somewhere visible in your home.
Quality Time
This love language is about carving out time for your partner, and preferably without kids for Valentine’s Day. As busy parents, if this is how your partner likes to receive love it feels extra special when you carve out time for them.
3 Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Partners that Love Quality Time:
Plan a Date. If your partner would like chocolates and a dinner out great, but if not, get creative and plan a date that you think they will enjoy. If your partner tends to carry more of the mental load in the family, they may appreciate having you do the planning. However, it never hurts to ask and see if they prefer to brainstorm a special Valentine’s date together.
Put Devices Down. During Valentine’s day, and other times you are coming together as a couple for quality time, be mindful of your devices. For many couples meals are a phone-free zone, but come up with guidelines that work for you both. For everyday life, this might look like putting phones down to connect for 30 minutes after the kids have gone to bed.
Find a Shared Pastime. You don’t need to do everything together, but if your partner is all about the quality time, have fun researching a shared hobby. Change it up as desired, and enjoy!
Physical Touch
This love language is all about showing your love though gestures such as hugging, holding hands, cuddling, kissing and sex.
3 Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Partners that Love Physical Touch:
Cuddle time. Snuggle up for that movie or before you go to bed.
A romantic nap. I love this idea from Decoding Couples. Create a romantic vibe with a candle, pillow spray or whatever else makes your nap date feel special. This is such a genius idea for tired parents. It’s also nice for couples to have time to connect without the expectation of sex.
Talk about what you like during sex. What you enjoy sexually changes over time, especially after becoming parent. It can be difficult to open up about sexual preferences, but you can get the conversation started using The Gottman Institute Card Decks app for couples or an online course such as Relationship Roadmap.
Acts of Service
3 Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Partners that Love Acts of Service:
Make their coffee just how they like it. Wake up early to brew them their favorite morning beverage, or hop out and pick it up from their preferred coffee shop.
Cook or order their favorite meal. No explanation needed, as parents it’s nice not to think about what’s for dinner for once and have your partner handle it with love.
Create a DIY coupon book good for tasks they don’t enjoy. There’s nothing sexier to a parent that loves acts of service than to have some of those dreaded chores taken off their plate.
Receiving Gifts
3 Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Partners that Love Receiving Gifts:
This love language often gets a bad wrap as the “greedy” one. Receiving gifts isn’t about getting something expensive from your partner, it’s about feeling loved and seen when they give you thoughtful gifts.
Put thought into their gift. You don’t need to spend more, but you’ll probably want to go beyond flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day. Take time to think about something unique your partner would enjoy, perhaps something they wouldn’t get for themselves. You can ask their friends or family for hints if you know it feels more special to them to be surprised.
Ask for hints if you’re unsure. We can’t read each other’s minds. So, go ahead and ask for a hint or to make sure you’re on the right path. Let them know you are asking because you want them to feel special on Valentine’s Day. Hint: Ask at least a week in advance so it doesn’t seem last minute.
Put some effort into the gift wrap. Chances are if your partner’s top love language is receiving gifts, they want a little fanfare with the gift wrap. Ask the shop if they gift wrap, or get a cute gift bag and wrapping paper to enhance the gift opening experience for them.
Most often we express love how we like to receive it because it feels natural, but often our partner speaks a different love language. By taking the quiz together you will learn how to speak their love language and increase your overall connection as a couple. It’s important to use our partner’s love language all year round and not just on holidays and anniversaries. I hope this post gave you concrete ideas about how to speak your partner’s love language and make them feel appreciated this Valentine’s Day!
And, if you are not in a romantic relationship be sure to take the solo quiz and treat yourself using your love languages!
More Posts for Couples:
Books for Couples:
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When you Have Too Much To Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky (sharing the parental workload)
Kristi Yeh is a parent of two, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has been practicing in California for over ten years. She currently works in school-based mental health at a public elementary and middle school. A part of Kristi’s role entails discussing self-care with parents. Research shows that the better the adults take care of themselves, the healthier our children are at home and school.
