You Are Not Alone

The Majority of U.S. Parents Report Working From Home and Homeschooling as Top Stressors During the Coronavirus

This blog post discusses Parent Self-Care’s recent survey findings and features an interview with Psychologist Dr. Emily King

Parent Self-Care recently surveyed 123 U.S. parents to better understand how they are coping during this global health crisis. Last week’s post focused on how to stay connected to your children and prioritize self-care during these unprecedented times. This post will focus on how to cope with the demands of working from home, often without any childcare, and becoming your child’s teacher. 

Parent Self-Care found that over half of parents reported that working from home and homeschooling their children during the Coronavirus are two of their families’ biggest stressors. I got the opportunity to tap into Licensed Psychologist Dr. Emily King’s expertise in order to support parents as they navigate these challenging times. 

Dr. Emily King is a Licensed Psychologist and Health Services Provider in private practice in Raleigh, North Carolina. She specializes in working with children and adolescents with anxiety, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum Disorders. Dr. King is also a mother to two energetic boys, ages 6 and 12 years old.

How are you coping with working from home without childcare during this time? 

I would say our family is doing ok. We’ve seen better days, but we’ve certainly seen worse. Revising the logistics of job schedules and crisis school schedules was helpful in the beginning of this quarantine. My husband’s job is not flexible but mine is, so I changed and reduced my hours to be available to crisis school my kids in the mornings. It’s a lot of togetherness and I certainly would like more exercise than I can get, but we’re making it!

How are you coping with distance learning during this time?

I am finding that I have had my own learning curve as my kids’ “teacher” so that I could guide them through lessons. Unless your child is independently learning, this has been hard. Parents are not trained teachers and kids often benefit from the healthy peer pressure of students around them also working. 

Your public service announcement resonated deeply with so many parents, why do you think it struck such a chord?

I was surprised at how widely it spread. I think what struck a chord was that as a global parenting community, we all felt in shock that first week about how we were going to do all that was being asked of us. I’ve gotten feedback from some that I put into words how they were feeling (and are still feeling) throughout this time. 

What are the most common stressors you are seeing right now in your work with children and families?

Interestingly, stressors have varied week to week. At first, there was a honeymoon period for kids and parents were the ones who were stressed. Then we were all doing ok and some siblings were actually getting along better with all this time together, learning what each other liked to play and needed help with. Now, two months in, I’m seeing loneliness, worries about the unknown, and higher anxiety in kids whose existing anxiety was often distracted by school and extracurriculars. I’m most concerned about teenagers and parents of young children, as they seem to have been impacted the most emotionally. Also, as time goes on, financial stressors are increasing and the need to move and play outside in public places is increasing causing parents to weigh the risk of exposure to COVID-19 with the benefit of social play at a public park. 

What advice would you give to parents that feel pressure to produce as much as work as colleagues that do not have children at home?

I truly believe we have to be more honest about our mental health limits than we were pre-COVID. In those days, it was common to hide family issues, such as a sick child. There was often pressure to “suck it up” and get work done at night instead of sleeping. We have reached our limit of what we can accomplish and still remain healthy. I would recommend deciding if it would actually be beneficial to talk to your boss or manager about a flexible work schedule, even if you thought it was never a possibility pre-COVID. The timelines of parents re-entering work environments and schools and daycares opening will likely not align. We are all going to have to be flexible. 

What would you suggest to a parent if their inner critic tells them they aren’t doing a good enough job with work and/or homeschooling during this time?

If parents need to prioritize, I suggest that parents prioritize their job. Families need income to provide for basic needs like food and shelter. Financial stability will lead to lower stress. I have heard from multiple teachers that they want us to do the best we can and they will figure it out when children return to school. 

What are you doing as a mental health expert that is helping parents the most right now?

I have received the most gratitude for the time I have spent being interviewed for podcasts and posting on social media. Parents are feeling alone yet we are all experiencing something similar. I have been offering parent consultation sessions to parents of my youngest clients and this has been helpful. When we, as parents, are mentally well, we are better able to hold space for our children when they are feeling all the things this pandemic is bringing. 

I live across the country from Dr. King, so while we both share similar backgrounds in school-based mental health, we have never worked together or met in person. Two mothers in my village independently sent me her Public Service Announcement, and my shoulders immediately relaxed. She reminded me of what I already know, but needed some extra permission to embrace. This time is messy, it won’t be perfect, so prioritize your mental well-being and connection with your children. 

Like so many other parents, I was putting unrealistic expectations on myself to replace what the amazing educators in their lives do without any formal training and also while newly working from home without childcare. In addition, I was putting unrealistic expectations on myself about my work output while I had no childcare. I feel fortunate to work in an often supportive and empathetic field, as I was able to create a more manageable and flexible work schedule. I know this is not always the case, but as Dr. King emphasizes, there has to be more transparency about realistic working conditions during this time. If organizations want to retain good talent, then they need to be willing to support mental wellness during this crisis and beyond. 

As Dr. King points out from her work with children and families, stressors vary and change from family to family and from week to week, but we are all in this together. Many of us take solace in knowing we are not alone, and recognizing the ways in which we are more similar than different. I hope this post has helped you organize your priorities so that you can set your own radically realistic expectations during this time. 

Keep up with Dr. King by visiting her “Parenting On Your Own Path” blog, and tuning into Dr. Emily TV to stay connected during this quarantine. You can find more of her writing on Parents.com, Mother.ly.com, and TheMighty.com. She has also been interviewed on The Holderness Family Podcast, the Parenting ADHD Podcast, the Wired Differently Podcast, and the Building Psychological Strength Podcast. You can also find Dr. King on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, where she shares helpful information for parents. 

Disclaimer: "Information provided by Dr. King is intended for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental health condition or to provide psychological services directly to clients. Listeners are encouraged to seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional with any questions or concerns."