Dads vs. Moms: Survey Finds that Fathers are Less Likely to Practice Emotional Self-Care
Written by Kristi Yeh
Parent Self-Care surveyed 123 U.S. parents to learn more about how they are navigating parenting during the Coronavirus. The survey found that mothers and fathers are utilizing many of the same self-care strategies. However, it also surfaced important differences, finding that fathers were less likely to share their emotions and think about how to be kind to themselves.
Key Similarities Between Dads and Moms
During times of stress and pivotal transitions, it’s important to prioritize the basics. Mothers and fathers are investing in nearly all the same top self-care strategies, prioritizing sleep, exercise, connection with friends, and entertainment while they spend more time at home with limited childcare options.
It is wonderful that fathers are prioritizing connection with friends during the Coronavirus, as research has shown that fathers can become reliant on their partners for emotional support and scheduling social gatherings. Men tend to focus less on nurturing meaningful and deep friendships as they age, correlating with a decline in physical and mental health. Furthermore, a reluctance to invest in friendships can lead to a worsening romantic relationship for some fathers. Oftentimes, women can experience increased frustration and resentment due to carrying the burden of sustaining their partner’s social life. As gender roles and norms continue to expand, it is important to support men by giving them permission to sustain intimacy in friendships as they age.
“Among various studies linking friendships to well-being in one’s later years, the 2005 Australian Longitudinal Study of Aging found that family relationships had little if any impact on longevity, but friendships increased life expectancy by as much as 22 percent.” Jane E. Brody
Key Difference: Fewer Dads are Expressing their Feelings and Practicing Self-Kindness
While there were similarities between fathers and mothers in how they are coping during the Coronavrius, there were also significant differences. The survey found a glaring gap between the number of men and women who identified with expressing their feelings and practicing self-kindness, crucial components of emotional self-care. We know men are complex and emotional beings, but our culture equates strength and masculinity with an absence of vulnerability. In addition, the wellness and self-care industries disproportionately market towards women, encouraging them to be self-compassionate towards themselves. This perhaps contributes to the scant number of fathers that selected self-kindness as a self-care practice.
Thankfully there has been a cultural shift around gender roles. Today’s fathers are expected to have a more active role in nurturing children emotionally. In addition, men are choosing to stay at home more than ever before as the number of women who are the primary breadwinners continues to rise. There’s more work to be done, so here’s to raising men that are comfortable expressing their feelings, practicing self-compassion, and having close same-sex friendships.
If you are interested in reading more, check out the entire series about Parent Self-Care’s survey about how parents are coping during these daunting times.
Parent Self-Care Coronavirus Survey Series:
Children’s Books that Promote Broader Gender Norms and Roles:
Peanut Goes for the Gold by Jonathan Van Ness
Want to Play Trucks by Ann Stott
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Macksey
Princesses Wear Pants by Savannah Guthrie
Articles:
The Changing Role of the Modern Day Father by the American Psychological Association
Stay-at-Home Dads: The Challenges and Benefits by Healthline
Obama Just Signed a Law Mandating Diaper Changing Tables in Men’s Restrooms by Erin Blakemore
The Challenges of Male Friendships by Jane E. Brody
