Despite Increasing Levels of Burnout, Parents Report They Feel Closer to Their Children

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Written By Parent Self Care

Caretaking, Connection and Coping During the Coronavirus

This blog post discusses Parent Self-Care’s recent survey findings and features an interview with Psychologists Chelsea King and Caitlin Slavens.

Parent Self-Care recently conducted a survey of 123 U.S. parents to understand how they are coping during the Coronavirus. This is the first in a series of posts that explores some uplifting news: Despite increased levels of parental burnout, the majority of parents feel their relationship has improved with their children as a result of sheltering in place.

Parent Self-Care found that 62% of parents agree that their relationship has improved with their child during the Coronavirus. However, 74% of parents reported increased parental burnout during this global health crisis. In order to help us interpret these results, I interviewed two child psychologists from Alberta, Canada — Chelsea King R.Psych and Caitlin Slavens R.Psych. 

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Caitlin Slavens and Chelsea King shared their expert opinion about caretaking, connecting, and coping during the Coronavirus. They are the faces behind the popular and informative Instagram account @mamapsychologists, that focuses on maternal mental wellness and raising little humans. In addition, they also have a private practice where they support children that have experienced trauma or mental health challenges. 

How has your relationship changed with your children during this time?

Chelsea King: I have been provided more time with my son then I would have previously. My son is 6 1/2 months (3 1/2 months adjusted) so I think he is really benefiting from me being able to be with him as I was about to return to work part-time when the pandemic started. However, being in isolation hasn’t changed a lot in our routine. We were in the NICU before this for 3 ½ months so we were isolated since October. The hard part for us has been family members not seeing or even having the chance to meet him yet but we are trying to do what we can until isolation is over. 

Caitlin Slavens: I was on maternity leave with my 8-month-old daughter, so I was home the majority of the time before the pandemic but we were out of the house almost every day with various activities. It has really challenged my parenting, as I’ve had to become more creative given that all of our activities suddenly came to a close and there have been weeks where we did not leave our house except for walks. It has had its ups and downs and overall, but I believe this time spent with my children has helped me become a more creative and patient parent. It has not been easy and there has been a lot of trial and error but I am cherishing this time at home with them, knowing soon it will be back to the business of life as it was before. 

You would think that parents would be more frustrated with their children due to the increased stress and worry during this pandemic, and yet the majority of surveyed parents reported feeling closer to their children. What do you think accounts for this increased parent-child bond? 

I think this comes from two things. Parents' jobs have been changed by this public health crisis. The demands of the job may have changed, some have lost their jobs, and many others are working from home for the first time. For some parents, this may allow them the opportunity to be more present and purposeful when spending time with their children. Also, being in the home more itself will likely add to that feeling or actual increase in bond. People aren’t being dragged in a hundred different directions, running from one activity to another, or out doing errands. It allows people the experience of slowing down while they spend time at home. 

What are the most common stressors you are seeing right now in your work as practicing psychologists with children and families?

There is so much news to sift through, but the reality is we have never been through something like this before. Many clients are expressing anxiety about COVID-19 itself, and worry about making safe choices for their family as they do their best to follow the ever-changing guidelines. Parents are also talking about increased stress due to being cooped up at home, worrying about finances, and managing the demand of new roles (i.e. parent, teacher, employee, partner, etc. all at once). Parents are understandably feeling isolated and grieving missed events, milestones, or circumstances of their former daily life. Lastly, parents are also expressing boredom! There’s not much to do besides neighborhood walks, and depending on the age of your children, it can be difficult to keep things feeling interesting, exciting, and stimulating. 

What are your go-to strategies you share with parents looking to maintain or build a stronger connection to their children during a public health crisis?

  1. Bridging. This means constantly finding ways to connect throughout the day. For example: telling children when they will FaceTime with friends or family next, or saying see you tomorrow they are going to sleep. Be purposeful with bridging and make sure to follow through. For example, call your family when you said you would, or if you need to reschedule take the time to explain that to your kids.

  2. Positive activities. Make time to be silly and have fun with your children. Sometimes during times of stress, playing can be put at the bottom of the list, but this is how children communicate and connect...even older children! Sing your heart out, bust out some dance movies and giggle on the floor.

  3. Practice gratitude. Take time to talk about what you are grateful for as a family. You can share or draw things you love about each other. You can create a gratitude jar where you put in notes or pictures of things that make you feel grateful. Or, try the highlight/lowlight game where you each share a high and low from the day. If your patience was lower that day, it’s nice to share something like, “I was impatient today, but tomorrow is a new day. I’m so glad to have more time with my loving child.”

parent self care tips from the mama psychologists

What tricks do you have to build in self-care as a busy parent to prevent or manage burnout?

  1. Be purposeful. Think about how you want to use the time you have, otherwise it’s easy to end up scrolling on your phone or not actually taking the time to practice self-care because you hadn’t decided what to do.

  2. Keep it simple. Depending on how busy you are, or how old your kids are, if you are looking to make changes to your self-care routine don’t go overboard. Think about realistic self-care practices you are more likely to follow through with. Try focusing on one or two self-care activities so that you don’t get too overwhelmed and throw in the towel.

  3. Make it a priority. If you find yourself feeling as though the window has passed for the day to practice self-care, remind yourself that even five minutes is valuable. This is enough time to meditate, lie down and close your eyes, do a few yoga poses, text some friends, watch a YouTube clip, drink some water, or jot a few notes down in your gratitude or joy notebook.

  4. Check in with yourself. Getting into the habit of taking time to ask yourself how you are feeling, doing, etc. is self-care! As parents, we are hyper attuned to doing that for our children, and we deserve that same love and care. As you become more aware of how you are really doing, it becomes easier to figure out where to put your energy in terms of self-care. For example, if you are lonely, reach out to a loved one. If you are tired, make napping and sleeping a top priority. If you are anxious or worried, make time to meditate, journal, or read. 

What are you doing as mental health experts who are helping parents the most right now?

We provide many helpful resources on our Instagram page to support the wellbeing of mothers and children during these unprecedented times. We are continuing to offer telehealth resources to our community. Lastly, we know it takes a village, and we help link parents and children to the resources they need to live healthy and connected lives.

Thank you to the Mama Psychologists for lending their expertise and compassion to help families stay well during these challenging times. While all of us are bearing the brunt of elevated stress and fear of the unknown, it is encouraging to know there are mental health clinicians and other communities of experts to help us navigate this time together. 

Follow Chelsea King and Caitlin Slavens on Instagram, Facebook and Be Mind Body Therapy. Also, listen to their Messy Mama Podcast interview about parenting during a pandemic. Make sure to keep up with Chelsea King and Cailtin Slavens, as the Mama Psychologists’ Parent Booklet is coming this summer!

Download your free resource list from Parent Self-Care and the Mama Psychologists.

parent self care resource list for connection


RESOURCES FOR CHILDREN AND PARENTS

Children’s Books

Books for Parents

Self-Care for Parents

Articles

Websites

  • Cosmic Yoga Kids makes yoga and mindfulness fun for kids and families.

  • Kids in the House provides parenting tips from a variety of parenting approaches.

  • Anxiety Canada provides self-help information about anxiety for people of all ages.

  • Psychology Today features mental health articles and helps connect people to local mental health providers.

Podcasts

  • Unruffled. A podcast about respectful parenting by RIE expert Janet Landsbury (ages 0-6).

  • The Messy Mama Podcast. This podcast features stories and guests about the beautiful and messy nature of parenting.

  • Your Parenting Mojo. This podcast explores the research behind childhood development, learning approaches, and other parenting topics. Research based, but far from boring!

  • The Longest Shortest Time. This podcast explores stories about the wild ride of raising humans.

  • WorkLife with Adam Grant. Dr. Grant is an organizational psychologist and author. He shares unusual stories of innovative companies that are finding ways to make work more engaging and meaningful.

Parent Self Care https://parentselfcare.com
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