Written by Kerry Luke, Psy.D. and Kristi Yeh, LMFT

The kids are off of school! It’s the holidays! But...this year is different. We are nine months into COVID, and most parents are exhausted. In the U.S., cases continue to rise and many states and counties are responding by increasing restrictions. If you live in a colder climate you might feel even more trapped as it’s harder to enjoy outdoor activities. The initial allure of Zoom happy hours and virtual playdates for the kids is past the point of waning— we’ve been there, done that.

But ready or not, the holiday break is here. I’m excited to partner with clinical psychologist, Kerry Luke, Psy.D., to help parents navigate this unusual time, and hopefully have some fun too! Dr. Luke has a private practice in Colorado where she helps teens and adults manage their mood, restore calm, and improve their relationships with themselves, their bodies, and others. Dr. Luke is particularly skilled in helping people manage stress, learn healthy communication skills, and practice self-care. She wholeheartedly believes that ultimate self-care is the foundation of health and wellness. In addition to working as a psychologist, Dr. Luke is also a mother navigating working and parenting during a pandemic as well.

Together we are going to share our favorite tips for keeping a loose routine, getting good rest, using screen time to your advantage, managing the family workload, moving for mental health, keeping a positive attitude, staying connected to your community, creating meaningful family traditions, and making sure fun is a serious priority. Read it all, or jump around to the sections that grab your attention the most. The goal is to inspire, not overwhelm, so take what works for you and consider focusing on one or two areas so winter wellness doesn’t become something stressful on the to-do list.

Free Holiday Break Wellness Download

Creating a Realistic Routine

First, let’s focus on routines. Routines are so important for optimal health. The nine months of the pandemic have definitely thrown most of our routines out the window. Since we have not had the same kinds of anchors to structure our days, they can all just blend into one, which is kind of why 2020 feels like a time warp or Groundhog Day or both. Thankfully, we have all learned the importance of being adaptable and flexible.

Here are some ways to help you and your family cope with the ever-changing schedule that we have all gotten to know and love—well maybe not love. We all need anchors and “markers” to track and keep up with the time of the day. That is true whether kids are in school or not. It’s important to be gentle and to have a loose, flexible schedule. Identify what works for your family depending on the work schedule(s) over the break and your kids’ ages and activities.

Since it can be difficult to keep track of time when you are not leaving the house as much as during pre-pandemic times, it is recommended that you have certain ways to mark the different times of the day.

5 Tips to Create a Manageable Routine:

Identify Your Priorities + Delegate. Make a list and prioritize what you want your family schedule to be and who will do what. Divide-and-conquer is the name of the game.
Get Dressed. Each day have everyone get dressed for the day and then for bed.
Connection Rituals. Certain parts of the day may be for checking in about everyone’s day and coming together. This can be for meals throughout the day and other natural transitions. Because parents are often pulled in so many directions, it can be helpful to establish times to come together as a family.
Breathe Fresh Air. Aim to get outside and play every day for at least 20-30 minutes. The Vitamin D will do wonders for everyone.
Prioritize Rest. Keep sleep as regular as possible. Obviously, it will look a bit different over a winter break.

Optimizing Sleep + Rest

Over the holiday break, circadian rhythms are bound to get off-kilter and that’s okay. Allowing yourself to embrace a little more fun and self-care is replenishing and restores your soul. Staying up and sleeping in later than usual can be fun. However, it is a good idea to try to keep reasonable bedtimes for everyone so it is not so jarring when everyone returns to school and work after the break.

5 Sleep Hygiene Tips:

Avoid caffeine, nicotine, spicy and/or heavy meals and exercise close to bedtime.
Limit blue light exposure from screens at least an hour before bedtime.
Try to keep a consistent nighttime and wake up time each day.
Use the sunlight to help with rising in the morning.
Have a quieting bedtime routine (e.g. hot decaf tea, reading time, bath, cuddle time, check-in about the day).

Free Sleep Tips Download from Dr. Luke

Navigating Screen Time

Screen time is a blessing and curse, isn’t it?! We’ve all been on screens more than ever. It is totally normal for this abnormal time. Experts like Healthy Screen Habits recommend that families have general expectations about screen time.

5 Family Screen Time Tips:

Establish Realistic Screen-Free Times. Keep mealtimes and bedtime as sacred screen-free times to boost connection and maximize the quality of sleep.
Avoid Screens Before Bed. Cut off screen use an hour before bedtime so everyone gets better rest. Screen time can inhibit our natural melatonin production before bedtime, and also making it a ritual to end screen time an hour before bed will become another cue in your child’s day that it’s time to wind down and rest.
Charge All Devices Together. Keep all devices charging in one main place, preferably not any bedroom. This helps family members separate from their devices and get better sleep.
Use a Timer. Young children especially tend to transition better with a timer that cuts off their screen time. It can reduce conflict as the timer is taking away the screen time, and not the parent. It also helps to keep parents accountable, as it is easy to let those Netflix episodes keep on rolling.
Use Screen Time to Your Advantage. Reinforce good family habits and help with chores by using screen time. Try using, “first, then” language with your kids. “First you need to move for mental health, then you can have X amount of screen time.” Or, “first you need to do a good deed for the family, and then can have X amount of screen time.” This teaches responsibility, how to be a team member and reinforces healthy habits.

Managing the Family Workload

Due to the pandemic, the amount of housework and chores have grown exponentially. It is difficult to feel calm and peaceful when we are overflowing with so many home, work, school responsibilities and more. Here is the good news. You do not and nor should you feel that it is okay to have to do it all by yourselves.

Connect with Emily King, Ph.D. on Instagram

According to the “Harvard Grant Study”, which observed participants for over 80 years, the single best predictor of a person’s success is whether that person had chores as a child. In parenting expert Julie Lythcott-Haims’ book, “How to Raise an Adult,” she focuses on what is needed for a child to be a successful adult.

Kids as young as two can help with household chores and feel like a positive contributing member of the family. Vicki Hoefle, parenting expert and author of “Duct Tape Parenting" and “The Straight Talk on Parenting,” is a fabulous resource for helping parents instill independence in their children while strengthening the bonds between parents and children. These books are fabulous and Vicki teaches a “timeline for training.” Pandemic or not, parents, let’s get the kids on board with these important self and life skills.

2 Resources to Help Parents Teach Their Kids Life Skills + Share the Family Workload:

“Timeline for Training” kids that spans all 18 years. This resource focuses on self-skills, life skills, and social skills. Click for a 2-page handout from Vicki Hoefle that Dr. Luke got permission to share in this blog.
Here is a list of age-appropriate tasks and chores from Lindsay Hutton for more inspiration.

lindsay hutton managing family workload parent self care

Fellow parents, we cannot think of a better form of self-care or way for you to have more peace at home than enlisting the help of your kids. There are so many ways to get kids to join in on the fun because the to-do list in a pandemic household is endless. ⁣

Moving for Mental Health

Movement and exercise is the best way to complete the stress cycle and prevent burnout. However, if you hate exercise, don’t worry! As Kelly McGonigal shares in her book, “The Joy of Movement,” it only takes three minutes to shift your mood. That’s a one-song dance party and you are done.

exercise movement mental wellness parent self care

4 Tips to Help Your Family Move for Mental Health During the Holiday Break:

Expand Your Definition of “Working Out.” You don’t need to run a few miles or lift heavy weights to reap the benefits of movement. Dancing, stretching, yoga, and walking are all ways to move your body.
Get Outside. Being outside helps us regulate our mood and sleep better. Try heading outside for a family walk, scooter ride, or bike ride. For younger kids you can try doing a scavenger hunt to make things more interesting, and for older kids you could come up with a fun destination like getting some hot cocoa or going to a nearby friend’s house to say hello from a distance.
Do Something With Your Family. For younger kids, join them in a Cosmic Kids Yoga video, or for older kids give them some agency and have them pick a movement activity for the day (it could even be making a TikTok dance video). It’s fun for kids to see goofy parents do our best to enter their world.
Walk and Talk. My favorite is a walk-and-talk with a friend. You get to catch up and connect, all while getting a little movement in and enjoying the fresh air.

Enjoying Meaningful Family Traditions

The holidays always come with a mix of excitement and stress or even grief, and this year is no different. However, some of the changes the pandemic has forced upon us have an upside. In a recent poll on Parent Self-Care’s Instagram account over 60% of the respondents were relieved not to have to travel with the family this year. Furthermore, amid the rush to see our families of origin during the holidays we sometimes forget about our own family unit and what traditions would be meaningful. If this describes your family, this is the year to take advantage of the extra time to reflect upon what kind of holiday traditions you want to focus on.

2 Tips for Creating Meaningful Holiday Family Traditions:

Core Values. One way to hone in on the traditions that are important to your family is to reflect on your family’s core values. When we are intentionally living in alignment with the things we value, we experience less stress and more contentment. If your family values fun, you might want to bake holiday cookies, do arts and crafts, or have a holiday music dance party. If your family values community and connection, you might want to plan a holiday zoom party. If your family values adventure, you might want to make it a tradition to create a new adventure each year. If your family values service, you might want to research a local organization where you can volunteer. Click here to view a list of core values if you want some inspiration.
Holiday Tradition Inspiration from Big Life Journal. You can also check out my favorite growth mindset family resource, Big Life Journal, to get 45 New Family Holiday Traditions for 2020.

Fostering Connection + Community During the Holidays

From Thanksgiving until New Year’s many put friends on the back burner and focus on family. While family is important, so is our chosen family— our friends. When you aren’t talking to your friends as often you might feel a bit “off,” especially as many get pulled back into old family roles from childhood when they are around their family of origin for the holidays.

friendship community connection parent self care

3 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Friends During the Holiday Break:

Check in on a friend that might need extra support during the holidays.
If you want or need a little extra support managing holiday stress, ask a friend for support and let them know you will be reaching out.
Schedule a couple of friend dates to keep you accountable, and so you have something to look forward to as well.

Using a Growth Mindset During Challenging Times

A growth mindset refers to flexible thinking versus the rigid thinking of a fixed mindset. Dr. Carol Dweck coined these terms during her research at Stanford University. A growth mindset approach is largely used in our school system to prime children’s minds for learning and coping with stumbling blocks, but like all the important things we want to teach our children, they will learn best by seeing us model the skill for them.

As we enter the holiday season after nine months of COVID, thinking about the kids being off of school for two week is probably overwhelming. Even if kids were in distance learning, and not attending school in person, there is still a structure that will be missing for a couple weeks. Instead of getting stuck in a fixed mindset spiral with thoughts such as, “this is too much, I can’t do it,” try using some growth mindset statements and see how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors change.

5 Examples of Growth Mindset Affirmations for Families:

We help each other in this family
Our family can do hard things
Many hands make light work
Teamwork makes the dream work
This year has had many challenges, but our family looks for the joy too

You can write these affirmations down together as a family and hang them up, in addition to saying them out loud until they become a fabric of the family system. I hope your family enjoys coming up with their own growth mindset affirmations to keep your brains flexible, resilient and creative this holiday break.

Prioritizing Fun + Play During the Winter Break

With everything happening around us, life is overwhelming right now. According to the American Psychological Association, parents are more stressed compared to those without children or with older children that have moved out of the home. Even reading a wellness blog like this can be overwhelming. Perhaps you’re now thinking if I don’t do all these things I’m not taking care of my family and myself well enough (hint: that’s not true at all!). Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and the negative thinking sets in, it’s time to put the breaks on the to-do list, and amp up the fun.

8 Pandemic Winter Break Fun Ideas:

Stop and rock out to your favorite song to boost your mood
Pick one thing to take off the to-do list
Order takeout instead of cooking
Break one of your family rules (e.g. jump on the bed, finger paint, let the kids watch TV right before bed, have breakfast for dinner, etc.)
Plan an adventure (e.g. an overnight trip, hiking a new trail, driving to see holiday lights, date night in, friend time, playdate for the kids, etc.)
Trade games and puzzles with a family so you have some new toys and entertainment
Watch a funny movie or call a friend that you always laugh with
Try an affirmation such as, “the to-do list can wait, our family values fun and play”

holiday self care quote parent self care

Dr. Luke and I hope you picked up a few useful nuggets to give you some encouragement and inspiration for this winter break. Take what works for you, and leave the rest without guilt. You are the expert on yourself and your family, so trust your intuition when it comes to staying well this holiday season.