Self-Care for Tough Times
7 Essential Self-Care Tips for Parents
Written by Kristi Yeh
When times are tough, it’s time to go back to the self-care fundamentals. Thinking about drinking enough water or making sure you get to your virtual therapy appointment certainly doesn’t hold the same appeal as spa treatments or weekend getaways with loved ones. But in times like these it’s important to check in with your self-care foundation.
A recent article from Jessica Grose, lead editor of parenting at The New York Times, conceptualizes this pandemic as a mental health crisis with no end in sight for parents.
“As we slouch into Month 7 of the pandemic, the mental health impact on parents remains significant and shows no signs of abating. Though the pandemic has certainly affected the mental health of all demographics, research from the American Psychological Association showed that in April and May, parents with children at home under 18 were markedly more stressed than non-parents.”
Parents need to invest in self-care now more than ever, as we endure more challenges and feelings of overwhelm compared to people without children or those with older children. Here are my top six tips for taking care of yourself during these beyond “tough times.”
Tend to Your Mental Health. If you want to expand your support system you can start by checking in with your doctor to get a mental health referral, or researching therapists based on your insurance panel, local agencies, or private practice providers. If you have worked with mental health clinicians in the past, check in with yourself to see if it might be beneficial to contact them again. Prioritizing your mental health appointments is self-care.
Nourish Your Body. Drinking enough water and eating regularly aren’t sexy self-care practices. However, the boundaries between work and home are so blurred that staying hydrated and eating regular meals and snacks is important physical self-care. You might need to schedule events in your calendar or alarms on your phone to help you remember to pause and quite literally nourish yourself.
Keep Moving. As Kelly Mcgonigal, Ph.D. writes in “The Joy of Movement,” even three minutes can change your mood. Many people are not feeling like moving as spending so much more time at home can mimic feelings of depression. But when you do go for a walk around the block or dance to your favorite song, you might feel more upbeat, relaxed, and grounded in the present moment. Try the Dialectical Behavior Therapy trick of acting in the opposite if you don’t feel like moving your body for days on end. Therapy can help you fine tune when to listen to your emotions, and when to challenge them.
Rest. Prioritizing sleep helps us regulate our mood so that we are calmer and more compassionate with loved ones, including ourselves. If you struggle to get solid sleep, research sleep hygiene for some guidance. Effective strategies might include reducing caffeine in the afternoon or charging your phone outside your room while you rest. As parents, we often struggle with the desire to have more “me time” after the kids are in bed at the expense of our own sleep. Find a balance that works for you, but try to prioritize sleep at least a few nights a week.
Connect with Friends. Social self-care is always the most important area for me once my basic self-care needs are met. Texting, talking on the phone, and best of all seeing friends in person can lift your spirits and combat feelings of isolation.
Ask for Help. As researcher and author Brené Brown, Ph.D. shares, people are social beings wired for belonging and connection. She reminds us that we are not meant to do parenting or life alone, and that asking for help takes courage. Now is a time of weighing the risks and benefits of certain types of childcare support. Only you know what is okay for your family, however, not having any help for seven plus months is likely unsustainable for any parent.
“If you can’t ask for help without self-judgment, you cannot offer help without judging others.”
~ Brené Brown
Schedule Non-Negotiable Me Time. Just as you schedule a work meeting or track your child’s Zoom schedule for distance learning, put yourself in the calendar. Whether it’s ten minus or ten hours (hey, a parent can dream, right?), make sure you are also in the calendar each week. During this time, do whatever you want to do. Scroll Instagram, watch three episodes of a reality show, or lie there and do nothing at all. We all know that meditating or reading is more restorative than zoning out with TV, but try not to judge yourself. Parents have so few moments to themselves these days, whatever little treat you can carve out for yourself to give you that boost to keep going is something to celebrate.
I hope some of these tips will help you be kind and caring towards yourself, so that we can share as much loving kindness with our families, loved ones, and the world.
Finding a Therapist
How to Find a Therapist by Jeanie Lerche Davis
Psychology Today Therapist Directory
Articles
Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful by Tara Haelle
The Pandemic Is a ‘Mental Health Crisis’ for Parents by Jessica Grose
Why Your Friends Are More Important Than You Think by Kira Newman
Books
Stand Tall Like a Mountain: Mindfulness and Self-Care for Children and Parents by Suzy Reading
The Joy of Movement: How Exercise Helps Us Find Happiness, Hope, Connection, and Courage by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D.
Sleep Apps
