9 Ways to Make the Most of Distance Learning
For Children Ages 5-10
Written by Kristi Yeh
In June of this year I interviewed psychologist Emily W. King, Ph.D. about the stress parents are facing working from home and homeschooling during the coronavirus. Her public service announcement that caught my attention over five months ago still resonates as many children in the U.S. are starting the new school year virtually.
“Parents: What we are being asked to do is not humanly possible. There is a reason we are either a working parent, a stay-at-home parent, or a part-time working parent. Working, parenting, and teaching are three different jobs that cannot be done at the same time. It's not hard because you are doing it wrong. It's hard because it's too much. Do the best you can.
When you have to pick, because at some point you will, choose connection. Pick playing a game over arguing about an academic assignment. Pick teaching your child to do laundry rather than feeling frustrated that they aren't helping. Pick laughing, and snuggling, and reminding them that they are safe.
If you are stressed, lower your expectations where you can and virtually reach out for social connection. We are all in this together to stay well. That means mentally well, too."
Parents are understandably worried that they will let their children down when it comes to their education. However, as Dr. Emily King reminds us, we are not built to wear so many hats at once. She reassuringly emphasizes that during a pandemic it is most important to prioritize our mental health and connection as a family. All of us, and especially children, need a certain level of safety, calm, and connection to focus on academics. So, if they miss a few things this year, helping them stay mentally healthy will set the stage for them to learn when school does return to some sort of hybrid or “normal” model.
Here are 9 tips to manage distance learning stress and focus on connection and wellness as a family:
Commit to a Morning Ritual of Connection. Start out the day with 3-5 minutes of family connection time before the business of the day ensues.
Sing It Out. I enjoy belting out an inspirational song, with accompanying silly dance moves, such as Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All.” I got this idea from journalist and author Dani McClain when she was interviewed on The Longest Shortest Time podcast.
Mindfulness + Group Hugs. My podcast partner on The Mental Mile, Kjersti Nelson starts her day by gathering as a family.
“We spend a few minutes moving or meditating, followed by stating an affirmation to set the stage for the day. We end with a big group hug, and off everyone goes to log on to school and work. Some days not everyone will be ‘into it,’ and that’s okay. I believe the routine of coming together for a shared moment of connection is more than enough. It sends the message that, ‘I love you, and we are in this together.’”
Put On Your Teacher Hat. Signify your change in role from parent to teacher verbally or literally with a badge, necklace, or hey, even a hat! This is a wonderful tip from Big Life Journal’s Back-to-School Package that helps you and your child be more aware of what role you are playing in the home during a time when the lines are blurred.
Create a Separate Work Space. No matter how small your living space is, let your child take ownership of designated school space to help them transition into school mode. Wearing headphones also helps some kids focus, and siblings tend to be less distracted when they can’t hear each other’s classes.
Use the 4:1 Rule from Positive Behavior Intervention Strategies (PBIS). Many schools use a positive behavior system to encourage more desired school behaviors. There is one powerful tool that not only works wonders for teachers, but for parents as well. The 4:1 rule means giving your child four behavior specific praise statements for each correction. It’s easy to find ourselves saying, “you’re not listening to your teacher,” or, “no eating during class,” while skipping past what our children are doing well. Our brains are wired to notice the negative so that we can problem-solve and survive as a species, so if you find yourself doing this it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent! Knowledge is power, and now that you know, challenge yourself to notice how much is going well, and then sprinkle in corrections when needed.
An example of behavior specific praise is, “I noticed you quietly raising your hand and waiting for your teacher to unmute you, that was respectful behavior.” This is different from a general, “good job kiddo.” Another school-based tip for giving corrections is stating things in the positive versus the negative. Instead of, “stop playing during class time,” try, “please focus your eyes on the teacher.” You are asking for the same thing, but stating the desire as what you want versus what you don’t want. Regardless of age, no one likes being told what to do. Give it a try, and I bet you’ll see a positive difference.
Take Breaks. It’s okay to shut down the computer. I repeat, it’s okay to shut down the computer! When the stress or frustration level is too high, take time away from the computer to de-escalate big emotions. This is true for kids or adults, as all of us can think more clearly when we take regular breaks and tend to our emotions. You can even create a calm corner with your child’s favorite snuggle object, calming glitter jar, bubble wrap, putties, and more.
Design a Growth Mindset Homework Corner. A Growth Mindset refers to flexible thinking versus the rigid thinking of a Fixed Mindset. Dr. Carol Dweck coined these terms during her research at Stanford University. A Growth Mindset approach is largely used in our school system to prime children’s minds for coping with stumbling blocks, mistakes, and challenging academic lessons. The Big Life Journal is my favorite resource for growth mindset inspiration. They have colorful posters and coloring pages kids can hangup in their homework corner for inspiration when they get stuck.
Celebrate the Small Wins. Asking young children to be on the computer for 4-6 hours a day is not developmentally appropriate, and it’s hard. Celebrate small wins everyday with a happy dance, high five, fist bump, etc. Especially when the day ends try to acknowledge one thing you admired about how your child engaged with distance learning, and let them know with a smile.
Offer a Low-Demand Activity After School. Since the grownups and the children have worked hard during distance learning, transition from school-mode back to home-mode with an easy activity. I suggest giving your kids 30-60 minutes of screen time after school. That’s right, you heard me, a therapist is suggesting screen time. It’s a nice treat for everyone in the family to have some screen time after school that’s just for fun and not about academic achievement. You can snuggle up on the couch, finish up some work emails, or take some much needed me-time while your kids enjoy their favorite show or play an age-appropriate video game. One popular resource used in Bay Area public schools is Common Sense Media. You will find TV, movie, game, and app reviews so you know what content is appropriate, in addition to Family Device Agreements templates to set boundaries up front before deciding to give your child a device.
Model Self-Compassion, Flexibility and Grace. Parenting during these difficult times is an opportunity to practice self-compassion, flexibility, and grace. Self-compassion is defined as self-kindness (treating yourself as you would a dear friend), common humanity (recognizing that all humans suffer and struggle), and mindfulness (observing our emotions clearly so you can more accurately respond). So, if you find yourself using a critical voice such as, “I’m failing as a parent,” or “I’ve completely let my child down with homeschooling,” try speaking to yourself as you would a dear friend and saying, “you did the best you could today with what you have, and that is enough.” Practice flexibility by lowering and adjusting your expectations so that they are more realistic during these trying times. Finally, offer yourself grace by repeating a mantra such as, “today things didn’t go as planned, and that’s okay,” and, “I’m modeling grace for my child by not criticizing myself for making mistakes.”
Fill Your Own Cup. Last, but certainly not least, the busier and more exhausted you are...the more it means that it’s time to prioritize self-care. Read more in my recent post about Self-Care for Tough Times to learn the 7 essential self-care tips for parents during challenging times.
Distance learning is a beast, parents! I hope this blog gave you some concrete ideas to cope with the additional stress of virtual learning, and focus on connection as a family.
Mindfulness Resources:
Meditation and brain breaks for kids from GoNoodle (my favorite is the “Be Kind to Yourself” meditation)
Growth Mindset Resources:
Back-to-School Package from the Big Life Journal
Growth Mindset homework corner from The Big Life Journal
41 Family Rituals that Teach Responsibility, Kindness and Compassion by The Big Life Journal
Growth Mindset Overview for Teens from The Big Life Journal
Distance Learning Products for Kids:
A timer your child can operate independently to help them manage breaks and Google Classroom meetings
Door Monkey Lock if you have multiple children doing distance learning and you’re trying to prevent them from coming into each other’s rooms
Consider headphones so your children can filter out noise and focus on virtual learning
Self-Care Resources for Parents:
