The Anniversary of Pandemic Parenting: 6 Ways to Cope + Resource Guide
Written by Kristi Yeh, LMFT
In the elementary school where I work as a Wellness Coordinator, teachers were recently sharing that after the December break the students were different. Many came back less engaged and lower energy, but the teachers didn’t know why. While the answer may be different for everyone, and you don’t need to have a reason for why you feel the way you do, I wondered if students were feeling the anniversary effect. In the therapy world, when working with clients that have experienced trauma and grief, we often share about the anniversary effect so they aren’t caught off guard. The anniversary effect refers to the symptoms of grief and depression that occur around the time of year when the prior trauma and/or loss occurred. These symptoms can include sadness, grief, irritability, anger, decreased enjoyment of activities that usually bring joy, lower levels of motivation, and difficulty focusing.
We have been experiencing a global trauma for nearly a year now (we entered lockdown on March 13, 2020 in the San Francisco Bay Area) with the onset of the Coronavirus. Furthermore, we are still living through this pandemic as we mark the anniversary of this ongoing traumatic experience. It can be helpful to be aware of the anniversary effect so that these waves of grief aren’t experienced as backtracking in the healing process. Symptoms of grief and trauma continue to pop up for various reasons even though time passes, you aren’t doing anything wrong, and it’s actually part of the healing process.
You may be wondering why it seems hard right now because you’ve had a year to learn how to deal with this “new normal.” But, so much of how we coped at the beginning of this experience has lost its luster. Scavenger hunts and mindful walks are beyond old at this point. No one wants to make homemade sourdough bread or pretend they want to learn a new language anymore. It’s hard to create adventure, new experiences, and awe after a year of living through a pandemic while also raising children. In addition, months of distance or hybrid learning, fewer opportunities for in-person social connection, Zoom fatigue, limited childcare options, and the constant stress of weighing the pros and cons of your child’s safety during a pandemic takes a toll. I hope we can all go easy on ourselves, and approach our feelings with an attitude of curiosity and gentleness as we mark the anniversary of COVID.
I enjoyed the blog post, “The Anniversary Effect” by Deborah Serani Psy.D. on Psychology Today that talks more about the anniversary effect and six ways to cope. Read more about the six ways to cope in Psychology Today, or by downloading the Parent Self-Care anniversary effect free download. You can also listen to a recent episode of The Mental Mile podcast where Kjersti Nelson, LMFT and I address grief and loss during pandemic parenting and how we are coping.
I have also curated a resource list to help parents cope with the different things that might arise as we strive to cope during the collective trauma of nearly a year of pandemic parenting.
Emotional Coping:
Why Are Feelings Important? by PsychCentral
Coronavirus Has Upended Our World. It's OK To Grieve. by NPR
Finding Our Common Humanity:
Blog on researcher Kristin Neff, Ph.D.'s website about common humanity
Self-compassion guided meditations from Chris Germer, Ph.D.
Soothing Self-Care Practices:
Breathing and Compassionate Touch to Cope with Trauma:
Learn about soulcare for grief and trauma from racial justice disruptor Rachel Ricketts
Self-Care Resources:
The Mental Mile Podcast
Self-Care for Tough Times by Suzy Reading
Do Better: Spiritual Activism for Fighting and Healing from White Supremacy by Rachel Ricketts (a lot about soulcare + spiritual activism)
Self-Care 101: Self-Care Inspiration for Busy Parents by Kristi Yeh, LMFT
If you want or need to support as you work through waves of grief and symptoms of trauma, mental health providers are available.
Mental Health Resources:
Ask about your company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP)
Ask your doctor to help connect you to a mental health professional
I’m wishing parents self-compassion and community as we honor the anniversary pandemic parenting, celebrate our resilience, and gear up to keep going.
Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzberg
Kristi Yeh is a parent of two, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has been practicing in California for over ten years. Kristi is the Founder of the Parent Self-Care blog and popular Instagram community, the author of Self-Care 101 for Busy Parents (eBook), and the co-host of The Mental Mile Podcast.
