6 Ways to Navigate the No Kids to Kids Transition with Your Self-Care Routine
Written by Kristi Yeh, LMFT
Having kids flips your self-care routine upside down. It took me a couple of years to adjust and make peace with how different self-care was after I became a mother. Here are six things you can do to help with the transition if you are a new parent.
1. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your pre-kid freedom and self-care routine.
You can love your child AND miss parts of your life before becoming a parent. Much of parenthood and life is leaning into the messy fact that two opposing thoughts and/or feelings can be true at the same time.
Here are a few ways to help you grieve the loss of your pre-kid freedom:
A big old cry helps us to grieve, and is one of the seven ways to complete the stress cycle according to the Burnout book written by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski.
Journal or draw about your grief.
Talk about what you miss about your life before you became a parent with any safe people in your life.
If you are a newer parent, be sure to check in with your child’s pediatrician about how you are doing emotionally. They may have recommendations for support groups and mental health providers.
Work with a therapist to help navigate the transition to parenthood and create a self-care plan that is practical for your season of life.
Grief comes in waves and isn’t something you can check off the list. Don’t be discouraged if you try one or all of these ideas to help process your grief, and if the waves still come from time to time.
2. Veer away from comparison.
Practical self-care for the season of life you’re in will look different for everyone. Try to focus on yourself without letting other people’s experiences take away from your self-care wins. Consider having a separate Instagram account for following parenting, self-care, or mental health accounts so that you can take breaks as needed.
Read more about how to process jealousy in healthy ways from the Psychology Today article, “Compare and Despair” by Kim Schneiderman, LCSW.
3. Reach out for support.
Text, call, and spend time in person with friends who have kids for validation that the struggle is real. Talk to other loved ones and/or a mental health provider for more help navigating this tricky transition.
If you’re looking to expand your support system, check out these resources:
Mothers can try the Peanut App. Parent Self-Care also has a free group on the app where you can meet other mothers who are prioritizing their wellness.
The Connected Mom Life is a podcast hosted by friend coach Emily Siegel.
Support groups for dads and specialized coordinators for dads through Postpartum Support International.
Learn more about how to find a therapist and search through a therapist directory on Psychology Today.
4. Set realistic self-care goals.
Pick the 1-3 most important self-care practices and make them a priority. Reevaluate your self-care priorities every few months and make adjustments as needed. Different seasons of life and parenthood necessitate different wellness non-negotiables. If you are wondering where to begin, you can take this free Self-Care and Lifestyle Inventory.
Remember to start with small habits that you can actually incorporate into your life so you can start celebrating your self-care wins immediately. You can learn more about how to create sustainable habits in the book Self-Care 101 for Busy Parents by Kristi Yeh and Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg.
You can also access a free Individual Self-Care Plan from Parent Self-Care.
5. Ask for help.
If you work part-time you can add an extra day of daycare on a day you aren’t working or hire a babysitter so you can do things around the house or outside the house. You can also swap kids with a trusted family friend for a free childcare option. Look for exercise classes or businesses that have free or low-cost childcare. If you parent with a partner, be sure to give each other regular breaks.
How to Find a Reliable Babysitter by Ellen Lee (New York Times).
6. Be more intentional about your device usage.
Before kids you probably had more time to scroll and mindlessly engage with a variety of devices. If you’re in a season of parenthood where you aren’t sleeping well or you’re particularly drained, set limits with your technology usage. Once you get the kids to sleep, we often default to scrolling because it’s easily available and perhaps we are even too tired to think of something else to do. Mindless scrolling can be fun, but it often leaves us feeling a bit numb, disconnected, and tired as too much screen time before bed lowers sleep quality.
Mindful ways to engage with technology:
If you are craving some fun scrolling time, try to be present and intentional about the content you are consuming. This will help you enjoy your device time more and be more in tune with when it’s time to stop and switch to a different activity.
Consider setting a timer or setting app limits to help contain your tech usage. Tell an accountability partner about your tech goals, this will increase your chances of following through with your intentions.
Not all technology is created equally, try creating a list of nourishing technology. This might include audiobooks, podcasts, apps, music, TedTalks, and more.
Write down an alternatives-to-scrolling list that you can turn to for inspiration the next time you find yourself reaching for your phone.
And when it feels like the trenches of parenthood will last forever, remind yourself that nothing lasts forever. In general, as kids get older you will get more freedom and independence back.
“Good humored patience is necessary with mischievous children and your own mind.”
If you want to learn more about adapting your self-care routine as a busy parent, check out Self-Care 101: Self-Care Inspiration for Busy Parents on Barnes&Noble or eBook. Free inspiration is also available through the Parent Self-Care VIP email newsletter. When you sign up you will instantly receive a link to a webinar with my Top 20 Self-Care Practices.
Resources for New Parents:
Digital Wellness Resources:
How Technology Can Be Part of A Healthy Life by Amy Blankson
Sit to Get Fit: Change the Way You Sit in 28 Days for Health, Energy and Longevity by Suzy Reading (focuses on self-care in modern times that often include a lot of time on devices)
Kristi Yeh is a parent of two, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has been practicing in California for over ten years. She currently works in school-based mental health at a public elementary and middle school. A part of Kristi’s role entails discussing self-care with parents. Research shows that the better the adults take care of themselves, the healthier our children are at home and school.
